The Joys of Motherhood

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone

Two of the three Fisher sisters are mothers. Lindsey is the mother to the super smiley Jay, and Alli is the mother to the sweet 1 1/2 month old Eleanore. I love them both. Jay prefers to do everything with other people, much like his mother. Ellie likes to be held, and is just now started to smile at who's holding her. When both my niece and nephew were born, our mother, Julie, spent the first 3 weeks of their lives helping my sisters. There are so many unknowns that new mothers face. What is the best way to feed him or her? How do you do a tight swaddle? What does this cry mean? And the list goes on... 

Luckily for us, we have a fantastic mother who is always ready to answer my sisters' questions and help with nighttime feeding. She also was a wonderful role model for us all through all of our growing up years. Now that my sisters have become mothers, they get to put the lessons she taught us into practice. And while there are many practices and behaviors that she modeled for us, there are three particular practices that can be summed up as the three keys to being the mother your child needs. 

Consistency.

Quality Time.

Tone of Voice. 

Children need consistency. They need to know what to expect- it makes them feel safe. This means consistent teaching. She consistently taught us how to get her attention. We were not allowed to interrupt; however, we could stand next to her, and put our hands on her shoulder to let her know that we needed to talk to her. This staved off the I-need-you-to-pay-attention-to-me-RIGHT-NOW tantrums.  We also had consistent discipline. We knew that if we did X, the consequence was going to be Y. We were also consistently loved on. When we came home, everyday of our grade school careers, our mother would ask us how our day was, and she did not want to just hear "fine." She wanted details, because she was genuinely interested in us and what was going on in our lives. 

Children also need quality time. But don't let yourself be fooled. Do not think that quality matters over quantity-  so if even if you don't spend a lot of time with your children, you can make up for it by spending "quality" time with them. Quantity leads to quality. You cannot have one without the other. Your child will not realize that the hour of time you blocked out was supposed to be "quality." Deep conversations about what is going on in your child's world cannot be planned. In order to give them the quality time they need, you must first give them a large quantity of your time. 

Your tone of voice matters. How you speak to your children is just as important as what you speak. Do not let yourself speak out of anger to your child. Ever. And lest you think that is impossible, our mother proves you wrong. I cannot remember a time my mother ever spoke to me out of anger or yelled at me. This will probably take a lot of prayer and a lot of deep breaths, but you can do it. If necessary,  send your child to his or her room while you calm down, and then go address what they did wrong- that is what our mother did. Children are sensitive, and your words and tone of voice have the potential do much more damage than sticks or stones ever will. 

There are other tips of the trade as well, but we have found those three to be momentously important. 

What do you consider most important in parenting? What are life lessons that your mother taught you? 

We'd love to hear! We have found that raising a child truly takes a village, so any and all advice is welcome. 

xo, The Attic

Our beautiful mother and her daughters at a vineyard in Umbertide, Italy