Young and in Love

Is There a "Right" Time to Marry?

Guess what?! We are getting married in less than 4 months- in 114 days to be exact. I am so excited to marry my best friend. He is my favorite person. We love to read together, run together, climb trees together... (evidenced by the picture above. Anyone else think of the childhood song- Lynn-Holly and Jon kissing in a tree...?) and we get to do those things, and more, for the rest of our lives! 

When we get married, I will be 23 and Jon will 24 years old, and I am happy with our ages, the stage we are at in life, and the overall timing. But recently, there seems to be a lot of opinons about when the "right" time to get married is. 

Some people are advocates for getting married when you're young, and some staunchly advocate for waiting until you're older. 

Susan Patton, Princeton Alum, wrote a letter to the editor in the Daily Princetonian, advising Princeton girls to find a mate that is their intellectual equal while they can. Get em' while supplies last girls! She told Princeton girls, "“Here’s what nobody is telling you: Find a husband on campus before you graduate. Yes, I went there.” She later clarified in a Huffington Post article saying, "I wanted to encourage the wonderful young women on Princeton's campus to take advantage of this while they can. From a sheer numbers perspective, the odds will never be as good again." 

On the other side of the coin is Nicki Muller, also a Princeton grad, who disagrees with Patton. Nicki's youtube video "The Ivy League Hustle,"  was referenced in Susan's article, because in this video she alludes to the fact that dating can be difficult when men are intimidated by your alma mater. 

But even so, she does not neccessarily see eye to eye with Patton. The Huffington Post asked her view and she responded with, "If I had married a Princeton man as an undergrad, by now I would have divorced one. Sure, it is a decent group of 'soaring intellects,' but getting married before you're ready just because there's a nice selection is like overstuffing yourself at the buffet just because the food is there: nausea-inducing and will probably lead to unwanted weight gain. Kudos to anyone at Princeton who was ready for marriage and found their mate: it's probably fun to get each other's college references, and yes, you're more likely to match intelligence-wise, but that's really not reason enough for me to make a premature life decision." 

The response to Patton's polarizing letter on the web has been, unsurprisingly, overwhelming. It shows shows that almost everyone has opinion about the appropriate age to get married Marina Adshade wrote a Wall Street Journal article titled "Why Settle for a Princeton Man." Adshade is essentially arguing that Patton's views were more fitting during the 1970's and '80's and that the current "economic factors have changed the marriage market in a way that benefits highly educated women." 

But not everyone disagrees with Patton. Both Julia Shaw wrote an article in The Salt Lake Tribune and Megan McAdrle wrote an article in The Daily Beast encouraging young marriages. Also, Billy Howell explored the consequences of delaying marriage in an article in The Blaze. 

To me, it seems that there are valid economic and sociologic arguements for both sides; however ultimately, deciding how old you want to be or should be when you get married may be not in your control. Just because you want to get married during college or immediately following doesn't mean that you will meet your mate then. 

Because I believe that God has a plan for everyone, I don't think that it is reasonable to try to plan to marry young or old. And luckily, I have never felt any pressure to stick to some sort of timeline for when I should or shouldn't marry. I've had examples of all different marrying ages in my family.

Lindsey, the oldest Fisher sister, met her husband two years after college, and let me tell you, they are perfectly matched. I am so thankful that he is a part of our family and that he was and is a part of God's plan for Lindsey's life. 

Alli met her husband Chris during her sophomore year of college and they married in May after she graduated. They are also perfectly matched. I could not have picked out a better man for Alli to marry. 

And my mother married my dad when she was still in college! She had one semester left, and she said that being married in college was grand fun. And 37 years later, they're still going strong. 

The women in my family have all married at different times and each one's timing was perfect for them. 

All of that being said, my view, articulated in response to Patton's letter, is that there isn't a perfect time. The best thing to do is to "Trust in Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." He may direct you to get married in college, two years, after college, or maybe never. 

I am extremely thankful that his plan for me is to marry Jon in less than four months. We are young, and I am sure that we will grow a lot together, but I am looking forward to it! 

Yes, there are sacrifices that have to be made when you choose to get married, and your priorities have to be decided. But that doesn't mean that you can't still live your dreams or accomplish your goals... you just get to accomplish them with someone else. Life with my best friend... what could be better?